Wednesday, April 11, 2007

On being anti-social....

I was reading Algelic's blog, and she speaks of being anti-social, and gives some tips that, I am sure work well, but I feel I need to pitch in 'cause I love fucking with people, you see, I find the human mind to be the most interesting thing on this Earth, it truly fascinates me on every level, that is why I like smart women, stupid people annoy the hell out of me, yeah, you know who you are, you are dumb and you bother me...... Any way, back to the point. One of the best ways to get to know a person is figuring out where there limits are, what boundaries define them, so pushing there buttons is a sure way to know what drives people, the way they look at things, the insecurities every person has, and blah blah blah.
So my family is a little weird, very distinct characters every one of us, the curios thing is that some people see me as a huge people person ( though sometimes I hate my job because I have to deal with people ), and when i am the focus of attention, when they see me go in front of everybody and tell jokes, when I make customers smile and ask for my name so they can tell the manager how nice I am, that is when I find it funny, that is when people around me are shocked when I tell them that out of Mom, Dad, Sis, and I , I am the least social. See Dad was an amazing salesperson, and a true bohemian, he loves good company and profound conversations, Sis, is the girl that was both popular and got the good grades in school, she was the girl a lot of guys were after, but never disappointed our parents, the girl that kids love to be around, and that, when she is in a good mood, lights up the room with her sole presence. Then there is Mom and I, we are good people readers, we are know for being very social, and smart and a bunch of good stuff, but we were commonly shadowed by the social skills of Dad and Sis. Some people just don't understand how this is possible, fuck 'em.
Now, since I love shocking people and pressing buttons, here are some tips:
-Point out defects, "You know, your left nostril is sooo much bigger than your right one".
-When you are reading a book, and someone asks what it's about, start talking, and stop after 5 seconds, look at them and say: "I'm not even gonna bother, its outside your grasp"
-When people try to start a conversation, just stare at them, let them say whatever it is they are saying, drag a pause and look bored out of your mind/pissed, then just say that they are the source of your sudden migraine.
-If some asks if you want to go out and do something, say that you'd rather be doing anything else, like shaving your toes or doing the hokey pokey.
-Make uncomfortable questions, like: "Have you always been this pale? How come your little brother makes more money than you? Do you try to make your voice that whiny, or is it just you unfortunate nature? How come, no matter how hard I concentrate, you don't disappear? Is that a piss stain on your pants, or are you just happy to see me? So are you gonna start going to AA meeting soon, or are you waiting for a formal intervention? Is your Mom aware she raised such a douche bag?, Oh, I'm sorry, was I supposed to be paying attention to what you are yapping about?"
-And of course, the viper statements, these are not questions, you are telling people what you think, in an unapologetic way :"No, that dress doesn't make you look fat, your FAT makes you look fat. No its not that what I say sound cynical, its that I AM cynical. I wont help you with your home work unless you put out. ETC.

I'll think of more, but for now, I'll leave it at that.

5 comments:

algelic said...

LOL that's kinda different from what I wanted to express in my blog. I mean... I don't want people to talk to me, so I use those tactics to avoid making them WANT to talk to me. You spoke of a whole different "antisocial" field (which I am very fond of too).

And yes, there are some people who think I'm a HUGE people person! xD (because they saw me in situations where it paid to be nice). Do you have any idea how easy it is to put on a fake super-mega-watt smile, be super nice and friendly... as a tour guide? Ahah! So much fun! Most tourists are IDIOTS! I could make 100$ on tips EACH DAY by using my ultra-fake friendly tactics.

I'd rather be a quiet person, watching other people and reading them. I don't speak much, but when I do, it's because I have something to say. Right now I speak a million times more ONLINE than on real life.

algelic said...

I have just figured out how your little "Map" on your blog works. I was wondering why the «dots» were in different sizes, but it says that the more visits you get from a certain country, the bigger the dot is. Since I'm the only person from Portugal who visits your blog and my dot is pretty big... that must mean I visit your blog often.

Anonymous said...

Wow, Paris really got under your skin, huh? You should've gone to Amsterdam instead.

vbt said...

what the fuck? you're the least extroverted in your family?!?!? god help us all...

Aries Girl said...

hello friend. thanks for the comment. i dont get it either yet its because such the norm that a relationship seems abnormal. that's my only defense...